I think people today are too invested in knowing if a woman is a virgin or not. Just because a woman likes to have sex and has a lot doesn’t mean she’s a slut. There is an article titled “the ethical slut,” which talks about the fact that they (there are two female authors) have a lot of sex, HOWEVER, they have…I guess guidelines on who they have sex with. So, they aren’t really “sluts,” right? They are safe, and they knowingly and willingly have sex with different guys so there is no reason why they are sluts.
I, myself, am a virgin. When I tell people that I automatically become this small little naïve girl and am subjected to hearing, “awww that’s cute.” No it’s not. It’s not cute that I’m a virgin. It’s just the fact. Although, ideally I would like to keep my “sexual debut” for my wedding night, but if I were to do it before than I’m not going to die. I’ve watched porn, I know how babies are made, therefore, I’m FAR from being naïve. I ALSO love talking with my friend’s about their sex lives. I ask if the guy was big, if it hurt, etc. I also cannot WAIT to have sex. omg, so excited. But all of this is no one’s business, unless I tell them straight up.
It’s odd how in this society single woman, esp. woman in their 20’s, have been sort of stereotyped into being woman who go out every night get shit-faced, and have a lot of sex all while trying to discover who they are and work. Now, I don’t have that life. I am BROKE, I never go out, I don’t have any sex, and I live with my parents. This is not just me thought, but A LOT of single women I know.
I think the media has MADE people think that knowing and asking if a woman is a virgin or slut (because those are the only two things a single woman can be apparently) is okay because there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many shows (reality and sitcom) that deal with single women. Sex and the city started it all and now look at where we are. Look at how many shows deal with women looking for mr. right and as she sleeps with countless men, while still being super cute and skinny. (Don’t get me wrong, sex and the city is awesome…but it you know.)
I know this blog is all about how I think being single can be a great thing and all, but seriously it can be A PAIN IN THE ASS a lot of the time.
It doesn’t help when you are trying to be optimistic about being single while other single friends of yours are all like “I WANT A BOYFRIEND” “I want someone to cuddle with and hug and stuff” and you’re like “crap…I want that, too.”
I guess I’ve been in a rut lately because I see all these good looking guys and I just think “please think I’m attractive…” I mean, not like I need their approval to be happy, but it’s more like “if you, the hot guy to my left, thinks I’m cute and a good catch, that means that other cute guys could like me, too and not just creepy guys who are overweight.” Am I making any sense??? -_-
So I’m not stranger to unrequited love, but when guys DO have crushes on me it’s the really weird guys. Like I once had a dental hygenist ask me out even though he told me for like a minute before he did that he could get in some SERIOUS trouble if his bosses found out he asked me out. Like seriously? You just cleaned my teeth and now you want to ask me out? Oh and he wasn’t my type….surprise.
then there was Matt. We went to high school and college together and he would give me rides home. Then one day I bugged him to find out who he liked and then later that evening he told me it was me…THROUGH AIM CHAT! Like seriously? again? Why can’t someone normal ask me out on a date in person? damnit.
Once a guy bothered me while I was eating my dinner during my break at work and asked if he could take me to his class fundraiser, I mean…he seemed nice, but dude, I’m eating my subway sandwich could you please leave?
Nonetheless, sometimes I seriously DOUBT a man that is up to my standards (not like I have HIGH standards or anything, but I think it’s good for a girl to have them) is going to actually like me. I hear all the time that I’m a good catch, that I’m pretty, blah blah blah, but sometimes I feel like these are things said by people who have to say them because they are relatives or really close friends.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m ALONE in this. Like I see all these other women have boyfriends and I’m like “WTH she has a bf and I don’t?” I know it’s mean to think that but I’m human. But then I come on here, and I realize that the a lot of the authors of the blogs I follow feel the same way I do. Yea, our situations may be a different, but in the end we’re all women in our 20’s who want a hug (and maybe more… ;) from a GUY who loves us. I think I wouldn’t be normal if I felt that I’m the only woman in the world who can’t get a NORMAL guy to like her…but I know that that guy will come. He better…ugh.
I wish someone would have told me that just because I’m a girl, I don’t have to get married. ~Marlo Thomas
I love this quote. I know that this is supposed to be the goal for women. You grow up, go to college, find a boyfriend, get married, have kids, and quit your job so you can take care of your kids. the end. But what if I don’t want that? NOW, dont’ get me wrong, I would love to get married and (maybe) have kids, but I love this quote because I know that my life right now doesn’t have to revolve around MARRIAGE. This is encouraging because right now, really, I know I dont’ want to get married in a year or maybe even two years. I have plans that MAY involve an eventual move to another state and if that happens and I have a serious boyfriend, that may complicate things. OF COURSE, I can’t tell the future, but still, I know that right now, I’m not in a mental state to be a serious relationship.
I think it’s really important for someone to analyze what their current mental state is in before commiting to something. It doesn’t have really be a relationship, but also a job or even a friendship. I think it’s important to know what you want and if whatever it is you’re going to commit to doesn’t fit what you want…then don’t do it. So dont’ feel like marriage is something YOU HAVE TO DO because you’re a woman. I am a woman and I don’t have to get married. And if I do, I don’t have to get married because I’m getting old. I’ll get married when I want to get married.
As I started this blog I tried to think of a really clever title. Of course, my url for this site is “single-and-loving-it,” but I didn’t want that title to be for the blog. Then one day I discovered that one of my favorite Korean Boybands, Super Junior, was coming out with a new single called, “SEXY, FREE, AND SINGLE!” And it just made sense to title my blog that.
Think about it. The whole reason why I started this blog was to give people a different perspective about being single. TOOOOOOOOOOOO many times do I see single life either being described as the most DEPRESSING time of your life OR a time where you have a shit load of money and sleep with a different man every night. Through this blog I wanted to show that SINGLE LIFE IS REALLY BORING SOMETIMES. My life is the exact opposite of the Single ladies on VH1. And often times when we see single ladies on tv or read them in literature they are DESPERATELY trying to find Mr. Right. But I’m not…in fact, I’m just chilling enjoying single life at the moment.
So hell yea, I’m sexy free and single. I’m sexy. I’m free from DRAMA that comes having a boyfriend and free to look at guys. And I’m single.
I REALLY want to start to write a book about being sexy free and single and how because I am, how I see things. I’m going to start putting different parts of it here and you are all free to comment on each entry I put on here after this.
I do not like it when women make jokes like, “well, if I don’t’ get married by the time I’m 30, I guess I’ll just become a CAT LADY.” It literally makes me cringe. I’m not sure when my hate for this comment started, but I know that I refuse to let this happen to me. NO NO NO. I don’t know about you ladies, but I refuse to become a crazy cat lady (well in my case I would be a dog lady because I don’t like cats very much) if I’m not married by the time I’m 35. I imagine myself traveling! I want to go to Spain, London, South America, New Zealand, South Korea, and Canada! I wouldn’t want to just stay at home with a bunch of DOGS.
I hope this inspires you to think the same way. Don’t even joke about becoming a cat lady because if you put that idea in a person’s head this ridiculous stereotype of “older” single women will continue! If someone says that to you, just tell them to shut up and that you’ll amount to MORE if you’re still single at 35. If you keep telling others that you’ll end up alone and with a bunch of cats when you get older, guess what, that might actually just happen. So if you are going to joke about being single when you’re older, at least make the joke about your potential single 30’s something worthwilded!